yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
