Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
