There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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