Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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