yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
