Please, let me fuck your mom
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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