I look better un-naked...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
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Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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