why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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