I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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