if only i could text you this smell
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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