I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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