do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
