hell yes lets make some ravioli
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
