Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
