Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
