Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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