is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
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