we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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