I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
