She is in my trunk
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
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A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
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I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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