Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
