On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
