She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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