I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
