Barsexuality is the new black.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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