yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
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She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
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Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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