This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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