I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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