We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
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Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
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Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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