Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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