I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He better not be in your backpack
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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