I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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