just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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