Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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