told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
