I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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