I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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