I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
