No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
