If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I still have a little drunk in my system
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize