The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
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just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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