Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
This is not my ceiling
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
