Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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