Your tits are I can't wait for
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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