No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
