You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
