CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
