He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
