So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
