just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
