It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
