you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I am midnight drunk by noon
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
