So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
