What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
