when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
