Got a toothbrush?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
