i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
