I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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