dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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