There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
