Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
