If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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