that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
