You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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