Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
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I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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