That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I am midnight drunk by noon
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Randomize
