Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
