did you get engaged???
You smell like a Billy Joel song
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
