Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
