Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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